Marriage can be a hard thing sometimes and both spouses should work on it with equal dedication. People whose relationships have not worked out, feel pretty reluctant to share the mistakes they’ve made. The good news is that one man who divorced his life wrote an honest Facebook post where he admits he could’ve done things differently and, therefore, shared a bunch of advice for those who are in a relationship. This post went viral and has already gotten 30,000 likes and 141,000 shares.
We at Tobe Gists are promoters of love, peace, and mutual understanding so we would like to repost his words to remind you once again that love shouldn’t be taken for granted.
1. Keep dating her, even after the marriage.
The main thing you should remember is to never take your woman for granted. Always remember all the promises you gave her when you asked her to be your wife and try to stay the man she said, “Yes.” to. Don’t become lazy.
2. Protect both her and your hearts.
Take care of your heart just as much as you take care of hers. Love the world, love yourself, but keep a special place in your heart where no one can enter besides your wife. Keep it ready to always receive her there and never let anyone else take up this space.
3. Keep falling in love with her again and again.
People change — they never stay the same and you are no exception. You both are already different from what you were like when you got married, and in 5 years you’ll be different from who you are today. Changes are inevitable and they will make you re-choose each other over and over again. Therefore, always fight to win her heart again, otherwise she may give it to someone else.
4. Don’t try to change her.
Your task is to love her the way she is. And if she happens to change, you should accept her the way she is, no matter who she has become and no matter whether you wanted it or not.
5. See the best in her every day.
Focus on the things you love in her and these things will expand. If you focus on what you don’t like about her or on something that annoys you, these things will expand too. So focus on the very thing you love about her to stay fully immersed in your love and to know without any doubt you are the luckiest man in the world to have her as your life partner.
6. Never ever blame her for something that made you angry.
It’s your emotions, so try to hold them back. Just because something from the outside world is triggering you (your job, your friends, etc.) doesn’t mean she deserves to see your negative emotions. Cope with all the negativity yourself — what you can do is ask her advice or to go to her for empathy. Once you heal yourself, there will be no triggers left from her side or from the outside.
7. Control your own emotions.
It’s not her task to make you happy and she can’t make you sad either. It’s you who is obliged to find your own happiness and share it with her. Rejoice in your life, enjoy your relationship, and never let yourself overreact.
8. Stay silly…
Don’t take this life too seriously. Remember there should be time for relaxation, laughing, and making her laugh. It’s laughing that brightens up things around us and makes our lives easier.
9. Let her be.
Don’t try to fix your wife when she is feeling frustrated, annoyed, or upset — all you need to do is to show your support and let her know that everything is OK. Make sure that you hear her and that she is aware of it, as well as remind her that you are the very person she can always rely and lean on. Women’s emotions are like tides — one day they are high, the next day they are low — so remain strong and never judge her. It will help to build that trust and the close bond that will help her open her soul to you. Never run away from your conversations, especially when she is upset. Be present, stay strong, and reassure her that you won’t leave her as long as she needs you.
10. Be present.
It’s not only your time that you should give to her, but your attention, focus, and soul as well. Clear your mind and head from everything else when you are with her. Treat her like a queen because she is the queen of your heart.
11. Cherish her soul and fill it on a daily basis.
Learn all the ways that make her feel needed, loved, and important. Speak her love language. Ask your wife to make a list of 10 things that can help her feel cherished and follow this list to make her feel like a queen.
12. Don’t be a jerk.
At the same time, don’t be afraid to be an idiot because we all make mistakes. Both you and she are no exception. Anyway, try to limit the amount of your mistakes as much as possible and learn lessons from the ones you didn’t manage to avoid. You aren’t supposed to be perfect, but at least try not to be too stupid.
13. Be willing to give her the power of your masculinity.
Be ready to devour her, to carry her away, to love her sexually, and to fill her with all the masculinity that you have. Let her melt within you and make sure she can trust you completely.
14. Be vulnerable.
You don’t have to be strong all the time. Share your feelings, worries, and even fears with her, as well as telling her about the mistakes you made.
15. She needs space, so give it to her.
Women are perfect at giving, but sometimes they need time to nurture themselves, to get to their source of good emotions, and to feed their souls. So give your wife this opportunity when she gets too tired of serving you, your kids, and even herself. Trust me, she will come back to you even more energized, re-centered, renewed, and ready to sing new songs.
16. Be fully open and transparent to her.
You’ll be able to build trust between the both of you, but only if you’re ready to share everything with her, including the things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to do this because you tend to show only your bright side and you can never be sure whether she’ll like your dark side as well. But if you want to feel all the dimensions of her love, drop your mask and show her who you really are.
17. Keep growing together.
It’s only the flowing water that is cool and fresh, stagnant ponds smell bad and breed disease. It’s the same with humans — your muscles become flimsy if you don’t work them out, your brain becomes less educated if you stop learning, and your relationship becomes weaker if you don’t work on it. Find something that you both like, set your common dreams and goals, and work toward them.
18. Forgive instantly.
Never savor your offenses — leave them in the past and don’t carry them with you into your future. If you keep holding on to them, they will anchor your relationship and hold it back. It’s forgiveness that will help to cut off this heavy anchor and help you move forward.
19. Money is not worth worrying about.
Money is a game, so find your methods and ways to win it. Become teammates, find ways to succeed, and move ahead.
20. Choose love…always!
Prioritize love and choose it always. Perhaps that’s the main advice you need. If you do it always, there is nothing that can shake your relationship. Love always wins.
Are you already following any of this advice? What do you think is the key to a strong, loving relationship? We would be glad to hear from you in the comments!